It’s a bittersweet backpack day today. I pulled out this tiny backpack that I unpacked nearly five months ago. It had been full of toys, books, and clothes, ready for a little boy to begin his new life with us. We were just a few weeks from adopting when it all fell apart. I’ve had friends who have returned home from the hospital empty handed and had to disassemble a crib. My heart broke for them then, but now I feel an even deeper connection and understanding. Pulling the tiny backpack out today reminds me of unpacking it and putting it away, of the child I thought would be mine.

The reason I kept the backpack was because I wanted to stay open – to possibilities, to loving another child, to whatever God had in store for us next. Giving it away felt like closing my heart to trying again, to another child. So I just unpacked it and put it away. That was an incredibly hard day. But as the last months have past, it has become clear that there is another child in our future. He is waiting for a family to love him forever, and we are overjoyed to do so. Although there are some tough memories attached, repacking the tiny backpack today also brings new hope and excitement.

Who knew so much emotion could be connected to a tiny backpack?