You do something once and you are tempted to believe the second time around will be easier. I mean, you’ve got experience now, right? Well, when it comes to kids, I’ve been wrong about that – twice. The second bio kid was NOT an easier delivery, but a much harder one with so many worries about what his future would look like because of his challenging beginning (oxygen deprivation).  Fast forward thirteen years, now two years into our second adoption, and I am feeling the same way. I’m surprised again by how much harder this one has been than the first, and I have so many more worries about how he will overcome his challenging beginning.

In the big picture I like to think I’m doing better at not sweating the small stuff, but some days are really hard. I break down in the moment of repeating the same lesson for what feels like the millionth time and lose hope. Is he ever going to make progress? Will he ever trust me? Do I have the strength, stamina, patience to keep doing this? And I realize that on my own I do not. My tank gets empty, and that’s what it takes to bring me back to a place of dependence. God is surely thinking those same thoughts- Is she ever going to make progress? Will she ever trust me? Good thing for both of us that His strength, stamina, and patience don’t run out.

Like my youngest, I am growing -maybe a little slower than ideal for those who love me, but it’s there. When I can’t see the forest for the trees, my husband helps me zoom out and take a look back at where we’ve been to get a clearer view of how far we’ve come. Over the past year, the backpack has seen several new adventures. Some have been all we hoped they’d be, while others have been more of a misadventure. You never really know what you’re going to get, experience or no experience. But looking up to the One who can sustain me and looking back at where we’ve been help me to take the next step forward with new hope.

A good deal of my energy has been spent on loving my little people over these past 3 years, and especially over these last 10 months. Not only was this mama ready for a little getaway, but I thought it’d be a perfect time to spend with someone I love and don’t get to love on very much any more – MY mama. She’d mentioned before that she always wanted to see the California Redwoods, and I knew she hadn’t been yet. I have my own bucket list of things that I think would be cool to experience. So, we decided to do some of them.

It seemed like a good idea to set our adventure expectations pretty low and just enjoy our time together, whatever happened. Our first evening in Saratoga was beautiful. We arrived in time to check in to our quaint hotel on the cutest little town strip of restaurants with every kind of food you could imagine. We chose Turkish. The next morning we headed for Big Basin Redwoods State Park. The drive was full of hair pin turns and the trees got bigger and bigger. We were amazed by the size and texture of the massive redwoods in the park. We chose a 4 mile hike through the forest that took 3 hrs to complete, and we picnicked for lunch on the trail. It was even more impressive than we thought it would be, and it smelled amazing!

Our afternoon included a scenic, winding drive down to Santa Cruz, an early Italian dinner al fresco, and a walk to the beach. We visited the Boardwalk, the pier, and saw the train track bridge that were all a part of The Lost Boys movie filmed 30 years ago. Wow! I feel old. The next morning we drove up Pacific Coast Highway, stopped at a lighthouse to explore, and watched as surfers caught waves on our way to San Francisco.

San Francisco Trolley Car

As we turned into town, we started seeing trolleys right away. After driving California, Hyde, and down the famous Lombard Street, we headed to park the car. The Alcatraz tours were full, so we settled on a ferry around the bay that would get us close to Alcatraz, past Angel Island & also take us under Golden Gate Bridge. We ate and shopped at Fisherman’s Warf and saw the seals (or sea lions?) at Pier 39. With time to spare we headed to Ghirardelli Square, but it was packed! No parking & huge crowds changed our minds, so I decided to take mom to Chinatown. I’d been there once already – before I’d been to China – and I was curious to see just how much like the ‘real thing’ it was. We began looking for my favorite Chinese snacks, dried sweet potatoes. Found ’em! And then I saw some huge dumplings & buns. We have to get one of these! “Do I have to eat this? here?” mom said. “Yep!” I said. She was scared. It was only a sweet bean bun, but she didn’t know what to expect. All the stores had a fishy smell to them, various dried “ingredients” for sell, or cooked whole chickens (heads included) hanging in the windows by their necks. The fruit and veg stands were much more comfortable for her, and she was excited to get a full container of blueberries for $1.50 – the only bargain we’d found in California.

Finally, our trip ended with another first. Mom had never eaten Thai food, so we had Pad Thai and Thai Green Curry for dinner on our last night. Over the past few days we’d wished our stomachs were bigger as we’d had to pass up chances to eat so many different kinds of food (except for the stewed chicken feet in Chinatown which we were glad to pass up). Driving, hiking, eating, boating, and lots of talking & laughing. It was quite an adventure!

In many areas this summer I have felt what seems to be the dance of life, two steps forward, one step back. Both on a small scale, when my youngest regresses to former behaviors that were reinforced before we knew him, and on a large scale, as it’s made clear that there is still so much racial hostility in this country, I’m saddened and frustrated. Overall, we seemed to be doing so well, progressing, improving. Why does it now feel like we are moving backward? And why does it really surprise me? Did I expect only forward movement? I guess I did, but foundational teachings are hard to see past and selfishness comes easily.

Loving others begins with an awareness of chosen words/actions and how they impact those around you. I’m usually so focused on teaching my children about that awareness that I often miss opportunities to teach others. Words and attitudes can hurt, have hurt. I’m thankful, that at least so far, we haven’t had any experiences with people who have intended hate or harm, but we have had plenty of hurtful unawareness.

As Jay prepares to begin kindergarten, he is full of excitement and anticipation. I am equally excited for him, while realizing that the first day of school brings lots of new people with lots of questions and comments. I realize that it’s a particularly important time to bring awareness, open communication, lay out expectations, answer questions, teach language, and build connections through common ground. At the advise of one of my new friends, I’ve created a simple story book to introduce Jay to his classmates. Too often I miss the full opportunity by not being prepared, so I’m extra thankful for my friend’s guidance. This is a chance to teach precious little people how to make friends with someone who doesn’t look like them- how to see past the surface difference and get to know who someone is on the inside.

All this diversity may not come waltzing into your classroom next week, but if you are reading this post, I hope that it will not just introduce some new language. I pray that it will encourage you to get to know someone who doesn’t look like you, doesn’t talk like you, and maybe even someone who doesn’t vote like you. You might make a new friend that helps you see with world with different eyes.

Ni Hao (Hello), My Name Is Jay. When I meet people for the first time, they are often very curious, but sometimes shy. Thanks for letting me share a little about myself today that may answer some of your questions.

You may have noticed, my ASIAN features. I am Chinese-American. I was born in Shanghai, China. I became an American when I was 3 years old.

You may have noticed, not everyone in my family looks like me. Yes, they are my REAL parents and brothers. None are robots or aliens, but it’s true we aren’t all of a BIOLOGICAL (BIRTH) relation. Our family was built through marriage, birth, and adoption.

You may have noticed, my eyes are different colors. The fancy word for this is heterochromia. It’s just one of the many things that makes me UNIQUE.

You may have noticed, my hands don’t look like yours. This is called LIMB DIFFERENCE. Some people, like me, are born with their limb differences.

Please don’t be scared. I’m just a kid like you, only with 1 finger instead of 5 on each hand. Please don’t feel badly for me. I can do anything I set my mind on doing. I praise God because I am fearfully & wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

Please do give me time & space to figure out the task at hand. Please do be understanding & encouraging if I get frustrated. Please do help me find a way to accomplish the task instead of just doing it for me.

Although we may look a bit different, we are probably very similar. Do any of you like to swim? I’m a good swimmer. I love to ride my bike, fish with my dad, and pretend to be a fireman or policeman. And I’m a WAY better driver than my brother!

So now that you know a little more about me, I’d like to know: What’s UNIQUE about you?

Five years ago I decided to get licensed to be a personal trainer mainly because the education would also renew my group fitness instructor license. I was enjoying leading a variety of fitness classes and thought it might be fun to be a trainer. It wasn’t. Watching people exercise, while not being able to talk to them because you’re counting their reps, is really boring. The education and experience was valuable, but I decided I was better suited to lead by doing (with music-not counting), so I stuck with group fitness.

If we’re being honest, it’s not the only thing I’ve tried and quit. While some may see this as a fault, I don’t. I love to learn, and there is a lot to learn through the formal (or informal) education process and beginning a new job. The experience is never lost, but continuing to invest time in the job becomes an evaluation of purpose. Why am I doing this job? What purpose does it serve for me, my family, and others? Is it where God wants me investing my energy, skills, resources?

So, fast forward five years through several other “jobs” and two more kids through adoption. We’d been home with our new 4 year old for only a few months and he was surpassing his 5 year old brother in all language skills. For two years Jay had been our baby, and we’d waived off some of his slower-to-develop areas not wanting to push too hard. He’d made so much progress that we were honestly impressed! But Kindergarten is on the horizon for him, and he not only continued to struggle with maintaining eye contact, keeping his hands to himself, and wetting his pull-up most nights – but now it was clear there was a disconnect with learning letters, numbers, and any type of symbol. Frustration was building as it was becoming easier for his new brother, Reece, and harder for Jay.

For the past 6 weeks we have been on a new adventure of sorts, packing a day bag, and loading up the crew to travel to Dallas once a week to participate in a program called Brain Balance. While many resources I found seemed to focus on the specific area of trouble, the Brain Balance Centers – developed by Dr. Melillo & based on the neurological development process – have a holistic approach. In addition to our time at the center, we have a pretty long list of daily home exercises that are parent lead. Yep, my personal trainer experience is being put to use again, with clear purpose. Plus, I’m learning a great deal about primitive reflexes, sensory input, clean eating, visual skills, and how they are all connected and used by our brains to process information.

Keeping up with the training is not always easy, but the progress we have seen so far has served as great encouragement. Jay missed out on a lot of stimuli his brain needed in the first three year of his life (before he was ours), but our brains are amazingly capable of creating new pathways. I debated about sharing the bed-wetting issue for fear of embarrassing him, but I know we are not the only family that is going through that and similar challenges. One week into the program he stopped waking up wet. Two weeks in, he stopped wearing pull-ups all together! It will be a full summer of physical, sensory, and cognitive training, but we are already also seeing growth in coordination, speech/pronunciation, memory/recognition of numbers and letter, and more. I can clearly see how the knowledge and experience gained through this process with Jay is going to benefit his younger brother, and I look forward to seeing where God decides to allow us to use it next.

At 17:3o in Guangzhou, China the sun is going down and everyone is out. Kids are getting out of school, people getting on buses & on the subway to go home, and the grocery store is buzzing with activity. I’m glad that I’ve ventured out alone to pick up a few items for dinner because keeping track of my four in this grocery store would be crazy town. China has a 3 step process for some items: 1) get a slip filled out by the department worker for the item(s) you desire, 2) go pay the slip at the cash registers, 3) return to the department to claim your item(s) with your receipt. As you can imagine, it can be a bit much. But on this trip, without kids, I got to just take in the people. 

Mostly beautiful variations of Chinese faces in the market, as I walk the 4 blocks back to our apartment I pass faces in all different shapes and colors. We have chosen to stay in a high rise building that contains businesses, shops, apartments, and more. Maybe it is just this section of town, but we have quite the colorful elevator rides to the 24th floor. Some people ask where we are from. I thought it would be impossible to hide. “United States,” I say, but get no response. “America”, and that registers. Sometimes the elevator smells like marijuana, there is a lady with her dog, or someone pinches the little ones’ cheeks. People talk loudly on their cell phones in different languages. Some don’t talk at all. Most try to figure out why we have two little Chinese children with us. So far we have interacted (as best we can) with people from the Middle East, Mediteranean, and Africa in addition to Chinese. It’s like a cross-culture sociology experiment. I love it! 

Besides seeing this amazing world that God created in all its beauty, what I appreciate about traveling is that it stretches me. It reminds me that I see the world through tinted lenses. It grows me in flexibility & compassion. Things don’t often go exactly as planned, and that’s not that big of a deal at home where I have a lot more control (i.e. mastery of the language). But here, work-arounds are more of a challenge. There always seems to be a problem to solve. While tiring, that’s also fun. It forces me to be more creative.

I’m not naturally the most compassionate person. Maybe because I have spent too much of my life with people just like me- similar views, socioeconomic status, culture, etc. Getting to know people from all over the world helps give new perspective and appreciation for our similarities and differences. It is easier for me to put myself in their shoes. When I know them, I care about them more. 

In the elevator, and in the streets, everyone may not have the manners I’d like them to have. I know my children are not clothed enough for their preference level. But we are much more alike than we are different, made in God’s image. We choose how we see the differences – to fear & reject one another or learn about & appreciate what is unique.