You do something once and you are tempted to believe the second time around will be easier. I mean, you’ve got experience now, right? Well, when it comes to kids, I’ve been wrong about that – twice. The second bio kid was NOT an easier delivery, but a much harder one with so many worries about what his future would look like because of his challenging beginning (oxygen deprivation).  Fast forward thirteen years, now two years into our second adoption, and I am feeling the same way. I’m surprised again by how much harder this one has been than the first, and I have so many more worries about how he will overcome his challenging beginning.

In the big picture I like to think I’m doing better at not sweating the small stuff, but some days are really hard. I break down in the moment of repeating the same lesson for what feels like the millionth time and lose hope. Is he ever going to make progress? Will he ever trust me? Do I have the strength, stamina, patience to keep doing this? And I realize that on my own I do not. My tank gets empty, and that’s what it takes to bring me back to a place of dependence. God is surely thinking those same thoughts- Is she ever going to make progress? Will she ever trust me? Good thing for both of us that His strength, stamina, and patience don’t run out.

Like my youngest, I am growing -maybe a little slower than ideal for those who love me, but it’s there. When I can’t see the forest for the trees, my husband helps me zoom out and take a look back at where we’ve been to get a clearer view of how far we’ve come. Over the past year, the backpack has seen several new adventures. Some have been all we hoped they’d be, while others have been more of a misadventure. You never really know what you’re going to get, experience or no experience. But looking up to the One who can sustain me and looking back at where we’ve been help me to take the next step forward with new hope.