As our country goes through a time of change, preparing for a new (and very different) leader, I find it interesting to watch the variety of responses. How all involved cope with the coming change, how they act out or wait to see, how the “old” leader relinquishes the position, and how the “new” leader steps in are all being played out on a national level while also being played out in our family.

Our adoption journey this time around allowed us to be with other families, to witness the process from a third person perspective. I can only image it’s a bit like being British or Canadian and watching the mayhem in America unfold. It makes me realize how unique each adoption is because it involves so many different players and personalities. What stood out to me this round was the lag time in between meeting your child and taking on the job of parenting – what helped & what hurt. That lag time, both for our country and in adoption, seems to be very uncomfortable, awkward, and difficult to navigate.

Letting go of the old role, for those who held it, wasn’t an issue in our first adoption. We were the only family on our trip, with a guide who did not personally connect to our child. She was there to handle the logistics, and she did that well. It was a classic “rip the band aid off” style of leadership transfer. While a bit more painful & shocking, it suits my personality perfectly. I was more than ready to parent this child in everything that that entails. In all honesty, with a younger child it is a bit easier to assume the role of mother and act accordingly. I was meeting his needs, and for the most part, everyone stood back and let me be his mother.

With older children, where a communication barrier is more prevalent, the transition is a bit more tricky. We spent significantly more time with our new son’s care givers this trip. We watched them interact with him. The positive side to the stronger “leadership” was that he was well prepared for the transition. The challenging side was the actual transfer of power. They want you to love him, to parent him, but you fall short. You don’t even speak his language. He’s telling you what he needs, and you need them to interpret. In addition to the time spent with his care givers, our guides throughout this trip also took to him. Like a grandmother watching her grown child (me) parent all wrong, they would cringe and step in to “do it the right way.” My heart knows this comes from a place of love, but we needed to find our own way.

Kids are so smart. They know when there’s a power struggle, an imbalance. He tried to take advantage, like any kid would. All the kids did. We did our best to be patient and gracious, and just make it through the transition. It was like pulling the band aid off very slowly, ripping one hair out at a time. I longed to just get past this part, to get into a new routine, to find a new normal. Things will most certainly be different for son and for our country moving forward. Some things he’ll hate, and some he’ll like. But just like our new little one, we are all capable of adapting and working together for a better future. That is our goal. Let’s get to work.