This past week my family was honored to be asked to attend the high school graduation of a young man from China who attends an international school nearby. We’ve gotten to know him over the last few years by hosting him in our home during holidays. We were all very excited to witness his big day and to meet his parents. They do not speak English, so their son and other students served as translators for our short conversations.Before we left we exchanged gifts. We’d gotten the graduate something self-explanatory, and his parents unexpectedly presented us with a big sack of gifts. But we’ve learned that gifting customs are very different for Chinese than for Americans. So I hesitated in response.

If you aren’t already familiar with The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, get it, read it, and thank me later. It doesn’t dive into cultural differences, but it does point out that gift giving is a way to express love. While it’s not my top choice, I do enjoy giving people gifts. Selecting them, buying them, or making them are all the first part of the fun. Giving it, which for me means seeing them open the gift and getting to explain why it was chosen or its significance, is the second part. Strictly functional gifts aside, to me “the thought that counts” is expressed in the exchange as much as in the gift itself. Maybe that is part of American gifting culture and/or confirmation that I’m really more of an interaction person. When you know the giver is excited and intentional, it means so much more (to me)- no matter what the actual object you’re holding.

Our exchange was an effortless mixture of gifting customs. I’m not sure if they assumed I needed some explanation about the gift they gave or if I just looked particularly eager to know what it was… but they asked if I would like to open it. This provided them a chance to tell me what all the tasty treats were and how to use them (since all the text was in Chinese). We loved it. Our gift needed no translation, so I thought it best to let it be opened according to their custom and comfort- not in the presence of the giver.

As I prepare gifts for upcoming trips, I’ve thought a lot more about how to present them, how they will be received, and what is the best way for them the express the love that they represent in a culture that is different from my own. I’ve also realized that I depend more heavily on gifts as a form of expression when there is a language barrier. So this time around, I plan to work the translators a little harder.